Brautigan > Screenplays
This node of the American Dust website (formerly Brautigan Bibliography and Archive) provides comprehensive information about Richard Brautigan's screenplays, movie treatments, and appearances in movies. Use the menu tabs below to learn more.
Background
Richard Brautigan was, throughout his life, fascinated with movies. As a child, time spent watching movies was time escaping from the realities of an impoverished life. As an adult, Brautigan appreciated the cinematic and narrative crafts displayed in the movies he watched. Writing screenplays was also, he thought, a way to make money.
Two screenplays written by Brautigan are known. One is based on his novel The Hawkline Monster, the other, Trailer, was written with Brad Donovan. Brandon French adapted A Confederate General from Big Sur. None of these screenplays were ever made into movies. SELECT the "Screenplays" menu tab to learn more.
Brautigan was paid to develop a "treatment" (an expanded idea for a film) to be called Magicians of Light. SELECT the "Screenplays" menu tab to learn more.
Brautigan made a number of 16mm films with San Francisco film maker Loren Sears. One, titled Yosemite Backyard, featured a voice over of Brautigan reading his poetry over a microscopic view of an overgrown backyard. SELECT the "Appearances" menu tab to learn more.
Brautigan had small roles in several creative movies and documentaries. For example, Brautigan has three very short appearances in the movie Tarpon. SELECT the "Appearances" menu tab to learn more.
Screenplays
Information about screenplays written by Richard Brautigan.
By default all items are presented in ascending order. Use the checkboxes above to present the items in alphabetical and/or reverse order.
Magicians of Light treatment, 1967
July 1967
At the end of July, Brautigan received a telephone call from William
Jersey, president of Quest Productions, a small New York film company.
Jersey agreed to pay Brautigan $1,000 for expanding an idea for a
documentary film about San Francisco. In just a few days, Brautigan
produced a fifteen-page treatment for a movie to be called Magicians of Light.
It was to be a movie about movie making in San Francisco and would
feature many of the members of the hip community. Locations included the
Presidio pet cemetery, Foster's cafeteria on Market Street, Golden Gate
Park, a Venerial Disease clinic, a light show commune, and a
psychedelic whorehouse on Telegraph Hill. For actors, Brautigan
suggested Michael McClure, The Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, Big Brother & the Holding Company, Bill Graham, and others. The film was never made. (William Hjortsberg 321)
A Confederate General from Big Sur by Brady French, 1972
A screenplay of the novel A Confederate General from Big Sur was adapted by Brandon French in June 1972 for Brady French Films. The project was never pursued beyond the first draft of the screenplay.
The Hawkline Monster, 1975
Hal Ashby, director of the movies Being There and Harold and Maude and many others, purchased, for $10,000, the screenplay rights to Brautigan's novel The Hawkline Monster in August 1974 and lined up Jack Nicholson and Harry Dean Stanton to play the two cowboys, Greer and Cameron. Brautigan traveled to Los Angeles, California, to talk with Ashby, who, in June 1975, contracted Brautigan to write the screenplay. The price for both the screenplay and the film rights option came to $125,000 for Brautigan. By mid-summer 1975, Brautigan delivered a 145-page screenplay. He was too late, however. Ashby had moved on to other projects and the Hawkline screenplay languished until June 1976 when Ashby renewed his option. He renewed again in December 1976.
Brautigan, apparently, refused to write a second draft, and Ashby worked, between other projects, to strengthen Brautigan's screenplay and asked writer Michael Dare to write additional scenes.
The movie was always high on Ashby's list of future projects. MGM was keen on the project and frequently asked Ashby about its progress. Ashby spent over $100,000 on developing the film, but set it aside, several times, to work on other projects.
Ashby's option was extended for eighteen months in 1984 following Brautigan's death to allow more time to develop the film. In 1987, Ashby was till trying to make a film of The Hawkline Monster.
In the end, however, Ashby never completed this project, and the novel was never turned into a movie.
(Dawson, Nick, ed. Being Hal Ashby: Life of a Hollywood Rebel. Lexington: The University of Kentucky Press, 2009. 176, 200-201, 219, 226, 271, 308-309, 331, 339)
Feedback from Michael Dare
"I worked with Hal Ashby on Tom Robbins' Another Roadside Attraction, Tom Wolfe's The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Thomas Berger's Vital Parts, Saul Bellow's Henderson the Rain King, and Brautigan's The Hawkline Monster.
When Richard wouldn't do a second draft, Hal asked for my input and I
wrote several new scenes. I thought your readers might like to know he
[Ashby] had Jack Nicholson and Dustin Hoffman lined up to play the
cowboys."
— Michael Dare. Email to John F. Barber, 25 February 2008.
Feedback from Douglas Avery
"Through Michael Dare and Hal Ashby's biographer, Nick Dawson, I
discovered that Ashby had tried to get the movie made his entire career.
The first incarnation, as Michael Dare said, would have starred
Nicholson and Hoffman. Later versions had Nicholson and Harry Dean
Stanton, and then Jeff and Beau Bridges."
— Douglas Avery. Email to John F. Barber, 17 September 2009.
Feedback from Brad Donovan
Brad Donovan, coauthor, with Brautigan, of the 1982 screenplay, Trailer (see above), provides some additional details about Brautigan's involvement with the original screenplay.
"Kate Jackson (the smart Charlie's Angel) was behind that project.
Richard got a kick out of the association. He also received $30,000 for
the option and first draft. Later, he tried to apply for unemployment in
California and listed his earnings as a thousand bucks a day, just in
case the state could find him suitable employment—a story he told with
glee."
— Brad Donovan. Email to John F. Barber, 29 October 2007.
Trailer, 1982
A screenplay about eccentric characters living in a mobile home park. Written on speculation during Summer 1982 with Brad Donovan. READ this screenplay.
Never optioned or produced. Donovan provides the following account of how he and Brautigan wrote the screenplay for Trailer.
"Taste Is No Object" or Writing with Richard
"Brautigan was fascinated by how different everyone looks, and the
little worlds they build. So he notices that western and gangster movies
feature a dwarf—or child—as a messenger type then in Troutfishing In America
he uses Troutfishing Shorty for that, boxing him up and shipping the
dwarf to Nelson Algren—a writer whom Richard admired, for his
hard-boiled style and desperate characters. That trippy novel has a
cinematic effect, due in part to Richard's love of old movies gained
from impoverished days staying warm in matinees. I collaborated with him
on a screenplay, TRAILER, and from that intoxicating experience I can
pass along a few ideas about how he worked, and what the effort cost
him.
"We had met in the kitchen of Ed and Jenny Dorn's house in Boulder, in the summer of 1980. Richard was in town for literary events, but to escape that attention we joined a redneck party in the mountains north of town for an amiable Sunday of drinking, loud Kinks records and some careful target practice. Following a fishing trip to his home in the Paradise Valley of Montana, my wife and I were convinced to move to Bozeman—it was, unbelievably, a cheap ski town then.
"For the first year of our friendship we did not discuss his books. Dorn, my teacher, was an old friend of Richard's, so there was little of the wariness he had for fans or critics. Richard was proud of the fact that regular people read his books—he enjoyed talking to a carpet-layer from Livingston in a bar as much as Leslie Fiedler (his comparison). Like most self-taught geniuses, his reading was wide, intense, and happily unaware of 'the Cannon.' For instance, one afternoon, I mentioned my used bookstore scoop: a copy of Boris Pasternak's out of print memoir, I Remember. Richard knew it well, and recounted the poet's meeting his idol, Rilke, on a train in the story. Then Brautigan gave an extemporaneous lecture, fueled by a few glasses of whiskey, on Russian poetry, the limits of Mayakovsky, the political dimension injected by futurism, Akmatova's greatness then—an hour or two into things—his real concern: the debt a writer owes to a mentor. Richard was bothered by two things. The 'sons of Hemingway' as he called the novelists of his generation, were getting Oedipal. And he regretted that he had not achieved success in time to send his books to William Carlos Williams.
"Perception was Richard's thing, how people saw the world, and as he called it 'the quiet dignity with which they put up with things.' His method employed 'going over the top' or accumulating layers of detail through revision. Usually, though, the additions are metaphors or images, not adjectives, adverbs or what he rejected as a tired convention, the accumulation of details to show a character's social status. He was viciously egalitarian, with a rebel's zeal. The attitude, and the technique, are in W.C. Williams' Spring and All and also In the American Grain.
"So a trailer park is a natural subject for Brautigan—the last of the romantic transcendentalists, a nature writer observing our bizarre American landscape. He was renting the trailer next to ours in Forest Park, on the Gallatin River west of Bozeman. It was the summer of 1982. Richard had returned from a year of readings, and had taught at the local university. To escape the isolation of his ranch, he 'raided on Bozeman.' One morning, Richard's date from the previous night's foray was foiled in her escape by a dead car. I was busy threatening the old man across the road, for running his chainsaw at dawn. Obnoxious music leaked from junky trailers that could never be moved again. The landlady was driving a bulldozer around in circles, for no apparent reason. Richard walked up as the stranded damsel muttered, 'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.' He laughed and offered, 'One thing you have to give this place, these people are without any pretensions. They don't have anyplace else to go.'
"Later that day Richard and I were drinking in the Robin bar, in downtown Bozeman. He had written an introduction to the Beatles Anthology, a collection of their lyrics. It did not talk about them directly, but described the Yellowstone River passing under the bridge at Pine Creek, near his ranch. His times, and the hippie energy attached to him, were flowing past: I think the lesson was meant for me, who was between career hallucinations. A pretty co-ed chatted for awhile, but Richard was self-absorbed. He noticed the marquee across the street, for the movie Cat People. The co-ed did not go for a horror movie as a first date—smart girl. So Richard and I watched the movie, gripped by the mixed blessing of seeing Nastasia Kinski get naked then turn into a leopard and eat people.
"We returned to the bar and evaluated the movie. This meant thinking how it could be changed. Richard saw its grisly potential as a comedy, preying upon all the man-woman encounters seen in movies. For example, the husband can listen to the young lover claim that the woman is misunderstood. Then, the 'lucky' youth congratulates the world-weary husband for being open-minded as the feline wife lures the young man outside, 'Let's go get a bite.' We ran through a dozen classic movies, ruining their most sensitive moments. Richard said, 'You know, you and I should write a movie.' I asked why, was he serious? 'There are two serious, artistic reasons. We will have some fun. And we might make a shit-pot full of money.'
"The next week saw me staying at the Pine Creek place, in the converted smokehouse used as a studio and guest room. The main house—a stucco covered hacienda-looking ranch—was shaded and cool. We sat in the kitchen, sipping the 11 am Chard. 'So how does a movie start?' he asked. 'A couple guys going somewhere to do something dangerous.' I suggested.
"'Like with a chainsaw?' Richard still chuckled about the part where I had offered to pull the string after shoving it . . ..
"'Like in The Good, the Bad, the Ugly.' The object, and the soundtrack, came first: no ideas but in things.
"Next we had to decide what kind of movie it would be, which is tougher than describing Richard's novels. His ambition, during the previous few years, was to recombine popular genres of fiction, to gain a hybrid energy. So our 'concept' was to write a white-trash Steinbeckian comedy with a boy-girl plot, two buddy stories, a dash of Disney, lots of slapstick, and some UFO's. Richard called it, 'a goofy blue-print for a house that might not get built,' and that seemed a good day's work. We made up a list of character-types, a group of people you would never invite for dinner. We 'cast' the roles, in order to visualize the actors. Margot Kidder (a friend of his) was popular, and Jamie Lee Curtis was on the cover of the Enquirer, so she was in. Richard suggested that we see Peter Fonda and Jeff Bridges as the two guys. They lived nearby, and I had seen them around at get-togethers. But I was more than a little surprised when Richard told me the next day that we had a meeting scheduled at Fonda's and we should get to work, pronto. For me this represented a step up from small-town reporting or reading poems to drunks.
"Our way of working together was like a Tin-Pan Alley movie, with fortune lurking in the wings as the two songwriters try out lines, reject them, then add to the hits. Together, we made up a dozen scenes, to introduce characters and to create plot problems. Our intent, as far as cinema goes, was one stupid sight gag per page. Dialogue was to show how people felt, not to convey information. We each picked the scenes that seemed interesting, and wrote out individual drafts—Richard long-hand, me on his Smith-Corona. Then we swapped drafts, and added material, going over the top. In conferences we read these additions aloud, and took turns typing a 20-page pitch, with an outline and sample scenes. Richard usually tried to make each scene more open-ended, like in a soap-opera. Most used the repetition of key lines to shape the moment, like in a poem. Throughout, there was an effort to subvert expectations, by mixing genres and setting up the viewer for a pratfall. There were no rules to follow. We claimed the sky was the limit: 'Taste is no Object.'
"Fonda and Bridges were very enthusiastic about the project and treated Richard, and me too, with friendly respect. Thus encouraged, we knocked out 100 pages in a month, reading drafts into a tape recorder that were transcribed by a slightly perplexed secretary from Montana State University's English department, named Jane. When Jane liked our stuff, we knew we had the normal vote. The abnormal vote was in the bag. Our show featured an All-American girl in love with a loser, the world's most beautiful repossession agent, some dwarfs, a Nazi landlady, Ma and Pa UFO nuts, and a main character whose 'business' was to constantly borrow stuff. How could we miss? Each day after work we toasted ourselves with pride, and chanted the screenwriter's psalm: 'We'll be rich!'
"For about a year, we waited for the phone to ring. Richard went to Japan for some readings, then to Amsterdam. Fonda promoted the script, including a try for MTV play. (The episodic plot makes for a good, short-format series. TRAILER may have been the first reality show). Richard also pitched the screenplay to friends, such as Robin Williams and Francis Coppola. However, when the phone did ring, on a slow morning at our house in Livingston, it was Becky Fonda calling to tell me that our friend was dead.
"Looking back, I wonder how Richard got to be the most successful
experimental writer in American letters: he sold millions of book that
defied convention, that were ignored by the critical establishment on
their way to a world-wide audience. And there is a resurgent interest in
his work. I get e-mails from young who people who dig it. He favored
the common person, distrusted phoniness, portrayed the daily weirdness
of life with a gently dark humor, and mastered the American tongue. It
occurred to me there was another writer who ran away to California,
cleverly made himself famous, lectured to packed halls, and re-invented
the novel: Mark Twain. Go look at the pictures. Both, you might say,
came in, and went out, on a comet. Is this Richard Brautigan—Mark Twain
convergence proof of reincarnation? Such an idea he would have
described, as he labeled his own work, 'One man's opinion of moonlight.'
— Brad Donovan. Email to John F. Barber, 5 December 2005.
Feedback from Brad Donovan
"I looked the other day at the screenplay link on your site, and was proud to see my little memoir there. If you want to put Trailer
on your web, that's fine with me. A few years ago, the Denisons, who
bought Richard's house, found some handwritten notes [from early work on
this screenplay] (in my writing and in Richard's) in the old smoke
house. They gave them to Gatz [William R. Hjortsberg, who is writing a
biography of Brautigan].
— Brad Donovan. Email to John F. Barber, 29 October 2007.
Unfinished screenplay with Bruce Conner, n.d.
Brautigan reportedly worked with artist Bruce Conner for a month in Tokyo, Japan, to write a screenplay. "The script aborted because they could not agree on a working style to compose it. Bruce pictured Magritte-like and Troutfishing-like ideas for the film. One idea was to show Dennis Hopper disappearing into quicksand" (McClure, Michael "Ninety-one Things about Richard Brautigan" 61).
So the Wind Won't Blow It All Away by Robert Duxbury, 2000
Richard Duxbury wrote a script for a 30 minute film based on So the Wind Won't Blow It All Away. The film was produced by Swensen Productions (Ianthe Brautigan and her husband Paul Swensen) and directed by Paul Swensen. It screened at the New York Film Festival in June 2000 and at the Los Angeles Film Festival in October 2000.
The Hawkline Monster by Tim Burton productions, 2009
Tim Burton, artist and director, noted a screenplay for The Hawkline Monster as one of his failed projects as part of a show at The Museum of Modern Art, New York, 22 November 2009-26 April 2010.
A Confederate General from Big Sur by Brady French, 1972
The Hawkline Monster, 1975
The Hawkline Monster by Tim Burton productions, 2009
Magicians of Light treatment, 1967
So the Wind Won't Blow It All Away by Robert Duxbury, 2000
Trailer, 1982
Unfinished screenplay with Bruce Conner, n.d.
Appearances
Information about movie appearances by Richard Brautigan.
By default all items are presented in ascending order. Use the checkboxes above to present the items in alphabetical and/or reverse order.
Alleged high school production, 1960s
Brautigan was reportedly featured in a high school project movie during the 1960s but no copy has been found. The project was that of Tony Brown, son of Bill Brown, writer and friend of Brautigan. Brautigan visited and stayed with the Brown's at their house in Bolinas, California, before he bought his own house there in 1970. Tony provides the following information about this film.
"Long before he moved to Bolinas, he would visit us at our home on the Mesa and if memory serves after all this time, he lived in our house for an extended period at least once. This would have been 1966-1968.
"I was in high school at that time and our home was in Bolinas, California. Bill Brown was my father and my sister Maggie is married to Jim Koller.
[Text deleted here . . .]
"I took a film class in my senior year of high school and was part of a
small crew. We tried to make a short movie and Richard was in it at his
home in San Francisco. I wish I knew what happened to that film."
— Tony Brown, email to John F. Barber, 20 October 2005.
Rolling Stone (working title), 1965
Ken Botto
An autobiographical movie by Botto, who was played by Jack Thibeau. Janice Meissner played his girlfriend. Brautigan had a small part as a chicken delivery person. Part of the film footage, including Brautigan's walk on part, burned in a fire in 1967. The movie was never finished.
Artists' Liberation Front Fair, 1966
Artists' Liberation Front Fair
Reg E. (Reggae) Williams
The Artists' Liberation Front (ALF)
sponsored a crafts fair in the Pan Handle of Golden Gate Park early in
the Summer of 1966. Neighborhood artists and residents attended and
participated in the festivities.
A film made of the event by Reg E. (Reggae) Williams shows members of the Straight Theater emerging from their theater building, walking up Haight Street, jump starting a 1930s LaSalle automobile and riding it down Haight Street to join the festivities already in progress. A brief scene shows Brautigan standing amid the swirling events. LEARN more about this film at The Straight Theater website.
Ellen Aste, age 3, versus American Television, 1967
1967 (early September?)
Produced by Ernest Lowe
Cinematography by Lauren Sears(?)
Script by Richard Brautigan
16 millimeter; black and white
Running time: 5'44"
Brautigan interviews Ellen Aste (now Ellen Valentine Spring), age 3, regarding what she would like to see on an imaginary television show. Ellen, born 19 February 1965 in San Francisco, California, is the first child and daughter of Anthony (Tony) Frederic Aste and Virginia Dione Alder, Brautigan's first wife. The baby on the countertop may be Aste and Alder's second child, Mara S. Aste, born 22 February 1968 in San Francisco, California. A third child, Jesse, was born 24 November 1969, in Sonoma, California.
Brautigan was contacted by Ernest Lowe, a producer for KQED, channel nine, the public access television station in San Francisco, California, and asked whether he write a script for a short film for television. The film was made in the Lombard Street apartment of a friend of Alder. Brautigan and Ellen walk out from behind a curtain and sit at the kitchen table where Brautigan asks five questions about what Ellen would like to see on television. For every question she answers, "Purple." There is no record that the film was ever aired on KQED.
Ghetto Yosemite, 1967
Produced by Ernest Lowe
Cinematography by Loren Sears
Script by Richard Brautigan
Running time: 3'00"
16 millimeter; black and white
Based on previous experience working with Brautigan (Ellen, age 3, versus American Television, see above) KQED producer Ernest Lowe again asked Brautigan to work on a short film. Sears was again the cinematographer. The film was made in the trash-filled empty lot next to Brautigan's Geary Street apartment. Brautigan's script divided the short movie into four chapters, each with titles and credits superimposed over images of scenic places in Yosemite Valley National Park. Brautigan's voice-over narration began, "This is Ghetto Yosemite located in the Western Addition of San Francisco. A lot of poor people live here. This is their Vernal Falls, their Castle Cliffs, their Inspiration Point . . ." as the film showed close ups of trash found in the empty lot. Police sirens and honking car horns provided additional, ambient sound. The movie aired on KQED in 1968.
The Maze, 1967
Open and close narration by Rod Sherry
Program narration by Michael McClure
Produced by Alan Goldberg
Written by Jim Harwood
Directed by Dick Williams
16 mm format; color; 25:12
A television documentary film presented by Michael McClure as a public affairs presentation on San Francisco, California, television station KPIX. The film presented Haight-Ashbury, according to narrator Rod Sherry, as "a magical land that appeared only yesterday and may be gone tomorrow. But if it lasts, the effect on the rest of society could be far reaching. And that's why the outside world must try to understand what is happening here." The hand-held documentary camera follows McClure as he walks along Haight Street, stopping to visit the Pyschedelic Bookshop, the Print Mint, the Straight Theater, and painter Mike Bowen. The film also includes scenes of the house occupied by The Grateful Dead at 710 Ashbury Street. McClure's voice over provides his impressions of the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood, and explanations of its particular character.
Brautigan is seen twice in the film, once mostly off camera interacting with McClure on the sidewalk, and second, walking with McClure through a park (21:50-22:46). In both appearances, Brautigan is not introduced or identified, nor does he speak. A photograph shows both Brautigan and McClure as they appeared in the film.
The Maze at the DIVA (Digital Information Virtual Archive) website.
The Maze at the Youtube website.
Nowsreal, 1968
Spring 1968Kelly Hart (independent filmmaker)
Diggers/Free City Collective
16 mm format; color; 40 minutes
In one section of this film, called "Street Scene," Brautigan is shown
walking and then again in the overgrown garden behind his Geary Street
apartment. In voice over he reads "California Native Flowers," one of
the poems in his Please Plant This Book. The film provided a glimpse into the daily life of the Haight-Ashbury underground.
View this film at diggers.org.
The Bed, 1968
20 minutes; 16 mm movie film; color
Camera: Bill Desloge
Music: Warner Jepson
Credited cast: Florence Allen, Gavin Arthur, Imogen Cunningham, Kermit Sheets, Roger Somers, Seth Stiles, and Alan Watts.
Brautigan was reportedly included among those filmed for The Bed but his appearance was cut out of the final film.
In this film, made by film-maker and poet James Broughton, an empty bed resting in a meadow becomes the site for several scenarios and trysts between characters, mostly nude, apparently liberated by its presence and its abilities to evoke pleasure and merriment. Broughton, sitting in a nearby tree, also nude, pops into the film as a kind of Pan, serenading the series of revelers. Crediting William Shakespeare for his world vision, Broughton phrased the theme of his film this way. "All the world's a bed, and men and women merely dreamers." Allegedly, Brautigan was included in the original footage, but his sequence, however, was not used in the final version of the film.
The Bed broke existent taboos against the depiction of frontal nudity in its celebration of the dance of life and won prizes at several film festivals, including the Oberhausen Film Festival, the Ann Arbor Film Festival, the Yale Film Festival, and the Foothill College Film Festival. Broughton followed The Bed with several other films, each celebrating what he called "the beauty of humans, the surprises of soul, and the necessity of merriment."
Tarpon, 1974
UYA FilmsDirected by Christian Odasso and Guy de la Valdéne
Photographed by Christian Odasso, Gerard Battista, and Manuel Teran
16 mm format
Running time: 50 minutes (approximate)
Edited by Marie-Sophie Dubus; Assisted by Catherine Galode
Original instrumental music written and performed by Jimmy Buffett (courtesy of ABC Dunhill Records)
A fllm about tarpon fishing using fly rods in Key West, Florida, featuring Jim Harrison, Richard Brautigan, Tom McGuane. Jimmy Buffett's original instrumental music is used throughout the film for background. Interview with Guy de la Vandene about Tarpon at the Midcurrent website.
Brautigan appears in four scenes
The film's introduction; Brautigan says nothing
Brautigan talks about tarpon fishing, saying the fish are extraordinary
Brautigan remarks about the Hemingwayesque-attitude of releasing the tarpon after they have been caught
Brautigan describes to Tom McGuane the tarpon looking like "silver
Atlantis" and the splashing water like "liquid marble" when jumping
after they have taken the fly
The film was restored in Spring 2008. Copies may be purchased through the distributor
Cathy Ransier
The Book Mailer
P.O. Box 1273
Helena, MT 59624-1273
Phone: 406-443-7332
Fax: 406-443-0788
website: www.thebookmailer.com
e-mail: cathy@thebookmailer.com
The trailer for Tarpon includes a brief introduction to Brautigan.
Author Jim Harrison mentions Tarpon in his book Off To the Side: A Memoir.
Feedback from Ken Keiran
"A few years back, a copy of this film came up on an eBay auction. This
was an actual film copy. I really wanted to win it, but figured that it
would sell for way more than I could spend. But I threw a bid on it and
ended up winning it! Afterwards, I got several emails from people
wanting copies. What surprised me was they were all Jimmy Buffet fans
and not the literary fans that I would have guessed. I ended up getting a
local video production place to transfer a copy for me onto DVD. I was
very happy to actually view the film, but was disappointed with the
quality of the copy. But it was already costing me a small fortune and I
couldn't afford to have it professionally 'cleaned up' so I settled for
what I had and to recoup some of my costs, a friend relisted it on eBay
and it sold to a Jimmy Buffett collector."
— Ken Keiran. Email to John F. Barber, 10 July 2008.
American Experience: Summer of Love, 2007
PBS—Produced by WGBH in association with KQEDDirected by Gail Dolgin and Vicente Franco
DVD
Running time: 60 minutes
Part of the "American Experience" documentary series, this film chronicles the zenith of the hippie experience in San Francisco, the summer of 1967. In the 3:00 minute section dealing with the Diggers, and their efforts to provide free food for the thousands of young people living on the streets, Brautigan makes a brief appearance unloading produce from a truck. He is not named, nor does he speak. Summer of Love at the PBS American Experience website.
Alleged high school production, 1960s
American Experience: Summer of Love, 2007
Artists' Liberation Front Fair, 1966
The Bed, 1968
Ellen Aste, age 3, versus American Television, 1967
Ghetto Yosemite, 1967
The Maze, 1967
Nowsreal, 1968
Rolling Stone (working title), 1965
Tarpon, 1974
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Donovan,2008
Trailer
Brad Donovan and Richard Brautigan
Unpublished screenplay
Reproduced here by permission of Brad Donovan, 2008.
NOTE: The following material may be protected under copyright. It is
used here for archival, educational, and research purposes, not for
commercial gain or public distribution. Individuals using this material
should respect the author's rights in any use of this material.
TRAILER is a comedy that takes place in an old park, where both the trailers and their inhabitants have settled in for the duration. The residents are a group that you would never invite for dinner: a quiet veteran who makes mechanical fish (real fish make him nervous); a cranky Art Deco Dwarf, a Ma and Pa couple who dress in tin foil whil awaiting the UFOs; Borrower who has elevated mooching to a kind of sainthood; a beautiful repossession agent (who would repo a cemetary for the back rent); an All-American girl with a fondness for losers; plus an assortment of outcasts that would showcase character actors or cameo roles.
TRAILER has romance, slapstick sight gags, outer space, conflicts between the "haves" and the "have-nots"—and a landlady whose hobby is collecting Third Reich souvenirs (for instance, panzer teapots). In addition, this film would be cheap toMAke, using second unit shots of a trailer park, and some dozen interiors.
TRAILER pays tribute to the ordinary people who maintain a sense of humor, or dignity while reduced to living in metal boxes—by laughing at them, we can see ourselves.
EXTERIOR—DAY—TRAILER PARK
Lee and Borrower stroll through a dumpy trailer park. Lee is a gritty, aging cowboy, while Borrower is a zany, distracted-looking eccentric.
(SO): Music from the trailers they pass: tacky love songs, western themes, ad jingles
A newspaper delivery boy rides past on a bike. He smiles and waves to Borrower, then launches a paper toward a porch.
BORROWER
Nice kid.
MS—Newspaper shatters window in a trailer.
LEE
Good arm too.
BORROWER
You know, I was a paperboy.
LEE
Really? I can't see you getting rid of all those papers.
BORROWER
That wasn't a problem. On collection day, I got them all back.
LEE
Instead of money?
BORROWER
Have you ever read a dollar bill? It just doesn't hold my interest.
TRACK—Lee and Borrower pass a series of people greeting the day in a chaotic way. A woman watering flowers turns and soaks a jogger. A Fed-Ex driver delivers a watermelon. An old-fashioned spinning clothes line takes flight then crashes. As a car starts, a cat runs out, followed by an alligator, and other beasts. Lee glowers, spits.
MS—Trailer window opens. A Lassie-type dog comes flying out.
VO: You let the damn dog out. It's your turn!
CU: Lee squints.
CU: Borrower waves at dog.
LS: Dog flying through space.
BORROWER: I always wanted a dog. Maybe I'll get one . . . cheer up. Today's my birthday.
(Lee squints, even more menacingly)
Yep! Today I'm one year behind in my rent.
(Lee squints. Lee begins walking in a gun-fighterish way, and he is carrying a chain-saw. Borrower changes his style of walking to mimic Lee's. As they walk past one trailer, we hear . . .)
(VO): I won't work with large birds. That's it!
BORROWER
I'm going over to Fraiser's to borrow something—anything—it's my birthday.
(Lee squints)
Nice chain saw. Can I have a look at it?
LEE
It's brand new.
BORROWER
I'll handle it with a mother's love.
(Lee squints. Then his eyes openwide for a moment as a Lassie-type dog goes flying by. He squints again.)
They walk past a trailer with a telescope sticking out of the roof. The telescope scans silently back and forth. Then the telescope retracts back into the trailer and a panel covers the opening that it came out of. Borrower doesn't seem to notice.
BORROWER
Got a smoke?
(Lee squints)
Then you don't mind.
(Borrower removes a cigar, puts it in his mouth, bites it, and spits.)
Sure you don't mind? Got this from an old friend of yours.
(Lee squints. The afore-mentioned trailer roof opens again, the telescope emerges and tracks back and forth.)
BORROWER
Let's go borrow something from Fraiser. He should be awake by now.
LEE
From Fraiser—borrow what—a mechanical fish?
BORROWER
No, I only borrow things that . . . ah . . . people think they can part with, you know.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—DAY—FRAISER'S TRAILER
A typical mix of old furniture, book shelves, posters, etc. One wall features an aquarium. Against another is a workkbench covered with tools and small electronic devices. Toward the back of the trailer, of course, there is a bedroom. In bed are Janet, the all-American girl, and Fraiser, the protagonist. Fraiser is a Vietnam-era veteran who seldom looses his temper. He is the trailer park handyman. At this moment he is tossing and turning and having a nightmare.
JANET
That dream. It must be that awful dream about the war again.
(Janet sits up in bed.)
Fraiser, wake up! You're having that dream again.
CUT TO
INTERIOR OF A BOMBED-OUT OFFICE BUILDING
Fraiser in combat gear is running around the corner of a large counter that has been shot full of holes. There is broken glass, shredded tape and paper everywhere. Fraiser runs from behind the counter and there is the sound of gunfire. He crouches behind a xerox machine and rolls a hand grenade across the floor from behind the machine.
The next few motions are repeats of the previous ones, Fraiser leaning out from behind the machine to roll a grenade across the floor over and over three or four times.
CUT TO
INTERIOR FRAISER'S TRAILER
Janet cuddles Fraiser. There is a distant clanging noise. When the noise gets close enough to be a clanging roar, Janet finally wakeks up Fraiser.
JANET
What's that? Fraiser! Fraiser!
(She says while shaking him.)
Fraiser, wake up!
FRAISER
(Opening his eyes.)
What is it?
JANET
You mean you don't hear that?
FRAISER
(Grinning.)
Of course I hear it. I hear it every morning—so what?
JANET
(Incredulous.)
So what?
(Now the noise is shaking objects on the wall in the trailer.)
FRAISER
That's what I said, so what! That's how we start off the day here in the trailer park.
JANET
What is that noise?
FRAISER
It's a bulldozer. The landlady here drives it around the park every morning. Don't get excited. Go back to sleep.
JANET
Go back to sleep you say.
FRAISER
(Sitting up in bed.)
Well . . . yeah sure . . . go back to sleep.
(The clanging noise of the bulldozer receeds into the distance.)
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—TRAILER PARK—CLOSE-UP OF LANDLADY
As the bulldozer moves away one sees an iron cross painted on the back of the driver's seat. The landlady, her face in profile, stares to the left as she passes Borrower and Lee. Borrower salutes with an Heil Hitler salute.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—FRAISER'S TRAILER
There is the sound of running water. Janet is fixing her hair in the bathroom mirror. We hear Fraiser's voice in the background.
FRAISER
I wonder . . . I wonder where it is. I don't know. I left it around here a minute ago. It couldn't just wander off somewhere.
JANET
Where is your toothbrush? I'd like to freshen up some. Say, are you the
sort that gets nervous it a girl wants to share your toothbrush?
FRAISER
No, not nervous at all, but I don't have a toothbrush. I've never had a
cavity. You don't need a toothbrush if you've never had a cavity.
JANET
(Speaking to herself.)
No cavities. Never! What am I getting myself into?
Fraiser enters carrying a mechanical fish that flaps and buzzes. He deposits the fish in the bathtub and looks satisfied.
FRAISER
There, that's my newest, and best I'd say.
JANET
Tell me if this is none of my business, but why do you make mechanical fish?
FRAISER
I don't like cats.
JANET
(With quick looks of surprise and grand self-assurance.)
Oh, I had in mind something more homey. Say real fish.
FRAISER
I used to have real fish. They kept me awake.
After a moment, there is a knock at the door. Janet opens the door and in come Borrower and Lee. Borrower goes to the stove behind the counter and begins making a pot of coffee. Lee sits down. Fraiser comes out holding a mechanical fish.
BORROWER
How's it going, Fraiser?
FRAISER
Oh, Oh, OK.
BORROWER
Sleep OK with the landlady starting us off the same as usual this morning?
FRAISER
Oh, I slept OK. Some bad dreams.
BORROWER
Oh yes, the war. Always the war.
LEE
It ain't no picnic, war ain't. I have to say I was a bit scared during
the big one following old Blood and Guts through Italy. But in some ways
the war was good for me.
BORROWER
Yes, but you have to admit in some ways the war was bad for you too.
LEE
And it sure was ugly.
FRAISER
(Looking at camera.)
Some of the things a man goes through don't mske much sense.
Fraiser walks over to the fish tank and looks into it. The aquarium emits a greenish light that makes Fraiser's face look eerie as he turns his head and shadows pass over it. He is lost—and looking at a mechanical fish that paddles around in the aquarium. The only sound is a tiny whirring noise coming from the fish. He taps at the glass and probes at the fish tentatively and continues staring. Gradually a proud look comes over him. The fish quits circling and settles to the bottom of the tank.
FRAISER
I hate that dream.
(Without knocking, into Fraiser's trailer enters Dwarf. He dresses always with a Liberace flare. He is angry.)
DWARF
Anybody got a gun? I'm going to shoot my agent.
BORROWER
You should take the long view. It's a job and you get work.
DWARF
But I don't work with large birds.
(At this remark everyone looks at Dwarf with an air of understanding. Borrower serenely rests a hand on Dwarf's shoulder. Janet looks around the trailer at Fraiser who is starting at his fish, at Lee who is squinting at Borrower who is holding a cup of coffee, and at Dwarf who keeps saying, "I won't work with large birds." Janet looks troubled.)
BORROWER
Come on folks. Let's leave Janet and Fraiser here alone for a moment. Let's go borrow something.
(Then with a series of nods Borrower, Lee and Dwarf exit the trailer. As they walk away from the trailer the three of them march with an identical gun-slingerish stride.)
FADE. CUT TO
INTERIOR—DWARF'S TRAILER—DAY
Dwarf's trailer is a minature 1930s Art Deco world complete with knickknacks, furniture, wall hangings, everything. It is a production designer's dream. Borrower is visiting dwarf who is very unhappy.
BORROWER
So tell me: What's got you down these days?
DWARF
I hate it when people say that.
BORROWER
Just trying to cheer you up.
DWARF
That's not one of my favorite sayings either.
BORROWER
I'm only trying to help. Is it money? I'll borrow some.
DWARF
You don't have to go to the trouble.
BORROWER
No trouble, really.
DWARF
It's not money. It's not love. It's not having to buy my clothes in the
children's department. Now I just tell them to go fuck themselves.
BORROWER
Then what is it?
It's the new neighbors.
BORROWER
But they haven't moved in yet.
DWARF
Exactly. Now you see my point! And what do you think they'll say when they find out someone like me lives next door?
BORROWER
(Surveying the bizarreINTERIOR of the trailer.)
Who's going to notice?
CUT TO
INTERIOR—BORROWER'S TRAILER—NIGHT
Borrower is in bed with an extraordinarily beautiful woman. She is so beautiful that she looks unreal. It is a very delicate beauty. She answers to the nickname Gripper. She is a troubleshooter for a collection agency. She is a leged among collection agencies for her zealous dedication and the fierce energy she applies to repossessing things. Borrower andGripper are naked under the covers and obviously have just finished making love. There are shadowy piles of borrowed objects all over the trailer.
GRIPPER
That was nice.
BORROWER
(Casually.)
Yeah, what kind of work do you do again?
GRIPPER
I already told you.
BORROWER
But I want to hear it again.
GRIPPER
I reposses things. It's fun. People don't keep up on their payments, and then I visit them.
BORROWER
You like to do that for a living?
GRIPPER
I love it. I haven't had a vacation in years because my work is my
vacation. Though I did go to Hawaii last year to repossess some hula
skirts. You should have seen the expression on those girl's faces. That
was one luau that will never be forgotten.
BORROWER
You don't look the part.
GRIPPER
Neither did they without their skirts.
BORROWER
It's just hard to believe that a beautiful woman like you reposses things.
GRIPPER
I know. It helps. They don't call me Gripper for nothing.
BORROWER
Still . . .
(Pausing)
I mean . . .
GRIPPER
I'llMAke it easier for you.
(Gripper gets out of bed and finds her way through the piles of objects in the trailer, including a mound of toasters. She locates her purse and takes out a small fancy leather folder, and gets back into bed next to a very interested Borrower. She takes six Polaroid photographs out of the folder.)
GRIPPER
Now, let's see here. All right. Now . . .
She arranges the Polaroids in order.
All right. That's it.
BORROWER
What do you have there?
GRIPPER
My six favorite repossesions.
BORROWER
(Having nothing to lose.)
OK
(Gripper starts showing the Polaroids to Borrower. The first one she shows him is a washing machine. There is a pile of wet clothes lying on the floor beside the washing machine.)
GRIPPER
I got this from a one-legged female divorce lawyer down on her luck. Her
husband divorced her and got everything but her wooden leg and the
washing machine. She had a very bad attitude in court. She thought the
wooden leg gave her an edge, but the judge gave her husband the dryer.
Anyway, she was good at stalling everybody, the appliance store, the
other collection agency, but when I came into the picture, it was a
different picture. Halfway through the rinse cycle, things had gone far
enough.
(Gripper laughs. It's a beautifully musical laughter. She has a lovely voice. Borrower stares at her, interested. She goes onto the next Polaroid. It's an empty baby bassinet.)
(Continuing to laugh softly, very delighted.)
The parents thought they were safe. Right up to the moment I handed them the baby. "What will we do?" they asked me and I said, "Why don't you try The Pill next time?"
(Borrower is at a loss for words. Gripper goes onto another Polaroid of some false teeth, still very delighted.)
From a seventy-year-old music teacher. I snatched them right out of her mouth at recess. It's hard to gum the Star-Spangled Banner.
BORROWER
How long have we known each other?
GRIPPER
Three hours.
BORROWER
Interesting.
(Gripper shows him a Polaroid of marching band instruments. There are no band members in the picture.)
They should have baked more cookies.
BORROWER
Three hours?
GRIPPER
Three hours, love.
(Borrower knows now that somehow something has started. Gripper goes onto the Polaroid of a wheelchair. She starts laughing hysterically.)
GRIPPER
I bought him some roller skates when I took the chair away.
BORROWER
(To say the least, curious.)
What's the last one about?
(Gripper still laughing beautifully shows him the Polaroid of a very barren field covered with large oblong holes. She hands it to him.)
BORROWER
(Carefully studying the picture.)
I don't get it.
GRIPPER
(Laughs even louder, tears running down her cheeks, she's such a beautiful woman.)
That's right. Because it's gone. I took it.
CUT TO
Borrower and Gripper are going out the door of the trailer. Gripper looks curiously about at all the piles of stuff in the trailer.
GRIPPER
Is this stuff all paid for?
BORROWER
As far as I know.
(Gripper's repossession vehicle, a hearse-black pickup truck, is parked in front of the trailer. There is black and white lettering on the door of the truck. The lettering says, "Pay Up or Weep, Jerk.")
BORROWER
I'm glad that we met by accident.
GRIPPER
Who said it was an accident? I'll see you soon. I think we've got something in common.
FADE. CUT TO
INTERIOR—DAY—MA & BILLY PA'S TRAILER
They are dressed in a Norman Rockwell style. Their trailer walls are covered with Norman Rockwall prints. The ceiling, however, is plastered with tin foil stars. Borrower is inside and has come to borrow something.
BORROWER
(Standing)
You sure you are done with the Inquirer? I could borrow a Time magazine somewhere else.
MA & BILLY PA
(In unison)
We're quite done, thank you. It's a fascinating issue. There is even an article about your friends.
(Ma hands Borrower a magazine.)
CUT TO
Magazine cover featuring picture of flying saucer.
BORROWER
(Shrugging it off.)
I don't have any friends like that. Well, thanks anyway for the magazine.
MA & BILLY PA
No, thank you! And your secret is safe.
BORROWER
(Shrugs)
Ah . . . Yeh . . . Well, I'll read this soon.
MA & BILLY PA
(In unison)
Good night, Mr. Spaceman.
(Exit Borrower.)
CUT TO
INTERIOR—BORROWER'S TRAILER
He is in a chair reading a magazine and on the cover are several headlines about outer space.
BORROWER
What weird shit. I guess some folks will believe anything. Well, they're
certainly harmless enough. Yep, I guess old Ma and Billy Pa are just
the folks next door.
(The camera pulls back to reveal a large pile of Inquirers beside the chair.)
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—DUSK
A panel slides open in MA and Billy Pa's trailer and a huge telescope emerges and begins to track from side to side.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—BORROWER'S TRAILER
Borrower is in the chair still reading a magazine. The pile of magazines next to his chair is visibly larger.
BORROWER
Outer space, ETs, flying saucers—what nonsense. Some people will do anything for attention.
CUT TO
PICNIC SCENE—EXTERIOR—DAY
Fraiser, Janet, Borrower and GRIPPER are having a barbecue behind Fraiser's trailer. There is a picnic table and portable barbecue. It is a perfect, informal American afternoon. Fraiser is cooking up some hamburgers. The others are sitting, casually, around the table.
FRAISER
(His back to the table.)
Nothing like a hamburger.
BORROWER
There were never truer words spoken.
FRAISER
(Turning to Borrower.)
How do you like your hamburger?
BORROWER
Barely done.
FRAISER
One very rare hamburger. How about the rest of you?
JANET
Medium.
GRIPPER
Same.
FRAISER
(Concentrating of cooking. Then chanting.)
A hamburger, a hamburger, my kingdom for a hamburger.
(Nobody pays any attention to Fraiser.)
GRIPPER
(To Janet.)
I'm told you are writing an anthropology paper on this trailer park.
JANET
Trying.
GRIPPER
What do you think about this place so far?
JANET
It's different.
GRIPPER
(Laughing.)
You could say that.
(Borrower gets up from the table, and joins Fraiser.)
BORROWER
How's my burger coming?
FRAISER
It's got a temperature of 99.6 degrees, what do you think?
BORROWER
Give it a few more degrees.
(At the table, Janet speaking to Gripper.)
JANET
I hear that you work for a collection agency.
GRIPPER
I'm the best!
JANET
I'm told that you are sort of a legend. How did you get into that line
of work. It's a little unusual. I mean, you don't look the part. I don't
want to offend you, but you could be a model.
GRIPPER
Yes, I am good looking, but I still like repossessing things better. I
got into this line of work because my family has always been in it. My
great grandfather started it by repossessing a canon in the Civil War
from a Confederate general who didn't keep up the payments. One
shouldn't go into war if they can't afford them. That was the beginning.
Gripper flashes a perfect smile.
And here I am.
(Fraiser and Borrower at the barbecue.)
FRAISER
(Picking up a hamburger with his spatula.)
How does this look to you?
BORROWER
Fine—just fine.
(Fraiser takes it over to the table and puts it on a plate. Gripper follows, but looks unhappily at the table.)
Where's the catsup. I can't eat a hamburger without catsup.
GRIPPER
I don't see any.
BORROWER
Hey, Fraiser, got any in your trailer?
FRAISER
Oh hell, I ran out of catsup yesterday.
BORROWER
(Starting to leave the barbecue.)
No problem.
FRAISER
What are you up to?
BORROWER
(Walking away.)
I'll go borrow some catsup.
(Gripper flashes a beautiful smile. Janet stares at the table adn shakes her head slowly. Fraiser scratches his ear.)
FADE. CUT TO
EXTERIOR—DAY
Borrower trudges toward a trailer shinning with extremely white light. Borrower knocks on the door.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—BRIGHT TRAILER
A skinny man wrappred in a white robe standing in the doorway.
BORROWER
Mr. Ghandi, could you spare some food?
GHANDI
Come in, Borrower, I knew you would some day visit.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—GHANDI'S TRAILER
Dramatically lit, Ghandi settles in a rocking chair. To one side is a spinning wheel and above it a poster of ET surrounded by soft light.
GHANDI
Borrower, what can I give you in this world of illusions?
BORROWER
Well, I was hungry, kind of, do you have any food?
GHANDI
I'm afraid I am out of food. In fact I haven't eaten in 57 days.
BORROWER
No problem. I'll try next door.
FADE. CUT TO
EXTERIOR—TRAILER PARK—NIGHT
Fraiser and Janet are taking an evening stroll through the trailer park. They pass Dwarf's trailer and hear 1930s ballroom dance music.
JANET
(Putting her arm around Fraiser.)
This trailer park isn't really such a strange place. That music sounds like something peaceful. Something out of the 1930s. Something—well, it's beautiful, romantic.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—DWARF'S TRAILER
Dwarf and a lady dwarf are dancing in his front room which looks like a miniature 1930s ballroom, complete with reflecting crystal ball. The dwarfs are dressed in formal evening clothes appropriate to the period.
JANET
(VO to Fraiser.)
Do you mind if I kiss you?
At the same time the dwarfs kiss each other while dancing.
FADE. CUT TO
EXTERIOR— TRAILER PARK
It is daybreak. The paperboy rides by on a bicycle, and with a toss hits the porch of Ma and Billy Pa, who wave at the camera. Birds chirp at a feeder. The entire scene is calm.
CUT TO
Front of a semi-tractor with "Wide Load" sign across the cab pulling a huge trailer. CUT TO
Interior of cab where burly driver is drinking a can of Coors beer.
CUT TO
A tracking shot of the tractor and trailer as they knock over light poles, a row of mailboxes, a dog house, a row of shrubs, etc. This is a a nice scene of good old chaos that Americans love to watch at the movies.
CUT TO
Repeats of first scenes of calm. Ma and Billy Pa move slowly into their trailer.
CUT TO
The driver of the semi-tractor backs into another trailer, shoving it off of its blocks. The occupants of the tipped over trailer climb from the windows.
CUT TO
Close up of paperboy's freckled, all-American face. He tosses a newspaper with a sweeping motion.
CUT TO
Medium shot of the paper smashing the glass in the windshield of the semi.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—FRAISER'S TRAILER—DAY
Fraiser is building a mechanical fish at his workbench. Janet is watching him. She is unhappy. Fraiser doesn't notice it. They don't say anything for a moment. This is a very detailed scene cutting back and forth between closeups of Fraiser building the fish and Janet's obvious, growing unhappiness. Then there is a very tight closeup of Fraiser's hands delicately assembling the part of the fish.
JANET
(Tense.)
I can't stand it any more. Stop building that stupd, ridiculous fish. I want to talk to you.
(Fraiser's hands are startled and stop building the fish. He looks up at Janet.)
FRAISER
(Confused.)
What? What's happening? What's wrong?
(Janet storms away from the workbench and then turns and faces Fraiser.)
JANET
(Softly.)
It's not the fish.
(Janet walks over and puts her arms gently on Fraiser who is not impressed.)
FRAISER
Yeah, twice you've mentioned my fish. If you're not talking about my
fish, why are you talking about my fish. Come on. Make sense. You're a
bright girl. Be bright. Act the part.
JANET
(Again.)
It's not the fish.
FRAISER
(Gently taking her hands off him and stepping back.)
Tell me.
JANET
(Dropping her arms heavily to her sides for effect.)
Fraiser . . . Fraiser, I want yo to reconnect yourself to the real world. I want you to assume responsibility for your genius. I mean, you are a genius and . . . it's not the fish . . . it's just . . . just you could be doing something else.
FRAISER
(Very serious.)
For instance. Give me a for instance.
JANET
(Pausing.)
I like your fish. They're cute.
FRAISER
(Even more serious.)
Cute . . . What do you have that's cuter?
JANET
I'll tell you what's cuter: watching an intelligent, wonderfulMAn
wasting his life building mechanical fish. I love you and I want you to
stop this crap. You're letting your life fall through the cracks in a
shithouse floor.
FRAISER
What in the hell are you talking about? I don't understand. What is this?
(At this exact moment a mechanical fish is staring at them from inside a ghostly green aquarium. Fraiser likes to paint the faces of celebrities on his mechanical fish. The fish in this scene looks like Marlene Dietrich.)
JANET
(Frustrated.)
Fraiser, my love, you're a genius and you're just wasting your talent among these backwater metal boxes.
(She walks over and puts her arms around him. He is still confused. He doesn't know what's happening.)
FRAISER
What's this all about? I was just putting one of my fish together. What's the problem?
JANET
(Pointing at Marlene Dietrich.)
That's the problem. The God-damn fish! I want you to do something better with yourself. I care!
FRAISER
(Reaching into the tank and taking our Marlene Dietrich. Her fins are still swimming in his hands.)
I care! She cares! We all care! What am I supposed to do? I don't understand.
JANET
I just want you to use this incredible genius you have. You should be
applying it to something better than making silly fish in a trailer.
FRAISER
OK. Tell me. But first, what's this about my fish?
JANET
(Sighing.)
There's a position open at my father's company. I've talked to him about you. He's very interested. It's a wonderful opportunity. Your talent could be fully utilized and appreciated. You'd be happy.
Fraiser walks over to an aquarium. He winds up all of the fish and watches them swim around. Janet stands quietly at the opposite end of the trailer. She is getting very, very angry. The camera cuts back and forth between Fraiser's obvious pleasure watching the mechanical fish swim about and the growing anger of Janet.
FRAISER
(Smiling at the fish with his back to JANET.)
These little guys are my friends. No. Your father should get a robot to build other robots. Maybe they can learn how to fuck and then nobody will be bored.
JANET
(Screaming.)
What about me, pervert? Am I just another God-damn mechanical fish in your life?
(Janet storms out of the trailer.)
FRAISER
(Turning.)
I didn't say you were a fish.
JANET
(Departing.)
You might as well have.
(Screams.)
I'm not a fish!
FRAISER
(Reaching into the tank takes out a fish that looks like Babe Ruth.)
I never said she was a fish and you're going to hit sixty home runs this year.
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—DAY—TRAILER PARK
Janet angrily leaves Fraiser's trailer, slamming the door. She walks over to her parked car. Borrower is sitting on the grass, in the shade, under a tree nearby. Janet gets into the car, and reaches for the ignition to start the car, but the keys are gone. Borrower holds them up and jingles them.
BORROWER
Looking for these?
JANET
(Getting out of the car.)
Yes.
(Walking over to him.)
You get around.
BORROWER
What's the problem?
JANET
What do you mean, what's the problem?
BORROWER
I heard you arguing with Fraiser, that's why I took the keys. I don't
want you to do something that you'll be sorry for. Did he call you a
fish?
JANET
So you took my car keys. No, he didn't call me a fish, but he might as well have.
BORROWER
You are in love with Fraiser. Sit down. Let's talk this over.
JANET
Why anthropology? I should have majored in home economics. That way I could have just stayed in the kitchen.
(She sits down beside Borrower.)
(Sighing.)
OK.
BORROWER
Then what's the problem?
JANET
You really want to know?
BORROWER
I'm not the car thief . . . yes, I want to know.
JANET
He's just wasting away in this wilderness of trailers. He is so talented
. . . so he just sits around and makes mechanical fish. I don't know
what to do.
BORROWER
So what do you want him to do?
JANET
I want him to be responsible for his genius. My father has an electronic corporation.
BORROWER
You want him to go to work for your Dad?
JANET
I wouldn't word it that way.
BORROWER
What way would you word it? Come on.
JANET
(Looking down while Borrower stares at her.)
I love him. I like this place. I like you, I mean all of you . . . but . . .
BORROWER
You don't understand the way we live . . . our life-style.
JANET
Is that what you call it . . . life-style?
BORROWER
It's not Fraiser's problem. It's your problem. Fraiser has been out
there. He doesn't like it. He's happy here. Just because you love him
doesn't mean that he has to work for your father.
JANET
(Looking up at Borrower. Starting to say something, bu then looking suddenly away.)
BORROWER
Well?
(Janet shakes her head slowly and stares quietly at the ground.)
BORROWER
Let me tell you about it . . . this place . . . the way we live . . . why Fraiser is happy here.
JANET
(Glances at Borrower.)
But what, what do you mean?
BORROWER
No, listen, I want you to hear this.
JANET
(Dropping her eyes again.)
OK.
BORROWER
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, millions of years in the
future, there was a trailer park. And in this trailer park there lived a
prince.
JANET
(Shaking her head and smiling.)
OK! OK!
BORROWER
When the prince was a very young man, he was caught up in a war that
didn't make any sense to him. Then he finished his education and became
an electronic whiz. He got married and had . . .
JANET
(Startled.)
Married?
BORROWER
(Resuming/)
Married, and had two children, but one night he came home from the laboratory to find his wife gone, and the children gone also. There was a note from his wife saying he would never see her of the children again, and not to waste his time looking for them. And she was right about never seeing them again. They just disappeared. But he didn't follow her advice about not looking. He had to look for them. He had to know why they left. He was madly in love with her, and thought she felt the same way. He spent ten years looking for them. Then he came across a trailer part, and somehow he just knew that it was his home, and he gave up looking for his family and slowly started being happy again, and he built mechanical fish.
(Borrower finishes talking and sits beside Janet, who is now softly crying.)
JANET
(Wiping her tears from her eyes.)
He didn't tell me.
BORROWER
It's not a pretty story until the prince started making mechanical fish.
JANET
I suppose you're right.
BORROWER
Yeah!
JANET
Now what?
BORROWER
It's up to you. He's been hurt enough.
JANET
(Taking a deep breath.)
I sure like that man. I love that man.
(Janet stands up, stretches and then almost whispering.)
I'll take care of it.
BORROWER
(Flips her the car keys. She deftly catches them and smiles.)
I guess I better go borrow something.
JANET
What are you going to borrow?
BORROWER
What difference does it make?
(Janet laughs and walks over to Fraiser's trailer and knocks on the door.)
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—DAY
Borrower knocks on a trailer door. There is a NRA sticker on the door that says, "Guns Don't Kill, People Do." An old spinster opens the door. She looks as though she has never gotten a marriage proposal.
BORROWER
Sorry to bother you, mam, I'm feeling a bit out of sorts today and I was wondering if you had something I might borrow?
SPINSTER
I am a quiet, old woman who is all alone and nobody ever wanted to marry, but you're welcome to take a look.
CUT TO
INTERIOR OF SPINSTER'S TRAILER
It looks like a gun store with racks of shot guns, a rifle, a bench for reloading ammunition, life-sized human targets, tear gas masks and a John Wayne poster.
SPINSTER
As you can see, I don't get out much.
BORROWER
I see that. You should join an organization, meet some people who share your interestss.
SPINSTER
The only things I've ever belonged to are the National Rifle Association and the Daughters of Library Patrons.
BORROWER
Do you have a library card? They won't give me one.
(Pausing.)
Could I borrow you library card?
SPINSTER
I guess so but you must take these books back for me.
(She hands him a large pile of books. They all have pictures of guns on the covers.)
The library is a privilege, not a right.
BORROWER
My feelings exactly.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—BORROWER'S TRAILER
As he enters, Borrower settles into a chair with an armload of books. He tosses the card at a desk where it lands on a pile of cards. Then he heaves the pile of books to the side where they land on an even larger pile of books.
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—DAY
Gripper is visiting Borrower at his trailer. The bed of her truck is filled with stuffed animals repossed fom a taxidermist.
BORROWER
I'll bet you never reposssed a zoo before.
GRIPPER
Not this kind of zoo. It's sad. And taxidermists are usually such good risks.
BORROWER
Mind if I borrow one of these critters for a souvenir?
GRIPPER
Really, I thought you'd be bored with my work.
BORROWER
Not at all. I've found the whole experience quite moving.
GRIPPER
(Handing him a stuffed owl.)
Will this do?
BORROWER
How splendid. The owl is a noble bird. Well, good night.
GRIPPER
What's the matter, can't a working girl get a drink around here?
BORROWER
Absolutely nothing is theMAtter. I'm just a bit tired and the place is a mess.
(Gripper smiles, waves, drives away in her truck on which is the sign "Pay Up or Weep, Jerk!")
CUT TO
INTERIOR OFBORROWER'S TRAILER
He stares at the owl.
BORROWER
Yes, a noble bird. I should be such a noble bird.
(Borrower turns and tosses the owl onto an identical pile of stuffed owls.)
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—DAY—TRAILER PARK
Borrower, barefoot, knocks on the door of Lee's trailer. Lee answers the door. He is holding a chain saw.
BORROWER
Good morning. Nice chain saw. You seem to like that chain saw. Well,
sorry to bother you so early, would you have a spare pair of boots I
could borrow.
LEE
Any special kind? I have work boots, fishing waders, golf boots and of course cowboy boots.
BORROWER
Golf boots . . . what are golf boots?
LEE
Yeah, I got golf boots.
BORROWER
Uh hun!
LEE
How about some nice cowboy boots if you're not into golf?
(Lee handsBORROWER a fancy pair of cowboy boots.)
These here Tony Lama's are just the ticket.
BORROWER
Thanks, I'll take good care of them. Yeah, cowboy boots will do just nicely.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—BORROWER'S TRAILER
As he enters the door with books in hand, Borrower settles in large chair.
BORROWER
They sure don't make them like they used to.
(Borrower drops the cowboy boots onto a huge pile of identical boots.)
CUT TO
INTERIOR—FRAISER'S TRAILER—EVENING
Fraiser andJANET are doing the dishes after dinner. Fraiser is washing and Janet is wiping. Fraiser has a calm expression, his head tilted as he is listening to the TV news. The newscaster is an over-aged Preppie who clutches the microphone and delivers absolute nonesense with a Ted Mack sort of enthusiasm.
ANNOUNCER
(VO)
The Dow Jones average spurted 16 points for its biggest gain in a while. Market analysts attributed the optimism to the recent news of successful Chinese attempts to refine rice into rocket fuel which in turn fuels speculation of successful breakthroughs in the Mongolian space program heavily subsidized by American investors.
(Fraiser adds some dish water. Turns off the faucet. Then resumes washing while whistling, "Off We Go into the Wild Blue Yonder.")
(Janet looks to Fraiser with warmth and a little resignation. She moves a stack of dishes.)
JANET
Say, Fraiser, do you belive in reincarnation?
FRAISER
You mean like, "Hey, baby, haven't we met before?"
JANET
Come on, I'm serious, Fraiser.
FRAISER
I know you are serious. I'm not serious. You're the one with the brains.
I'm just some pretty air-head. Reincarnation—sure, why not.MAybe I'll
come back as a Model T.
JANET
(Frowning, but amused despite herself.)
It's been done. Anyway I was just thinking, you seem pretty normal for a Vet and all.
FRAISER
(Cooly.)
We have our days.
(At this moment both of them turn toward the TV. The announcer is juggling oranges.)
ANNOUNCER
Congressional sources predicted a compromise breakthrough on efforts to
sell all federal buildings to an international cement conglomerate. The
administration cited high maintenance costs as the reason for the move.
(The announcer lets the oranges fall and pulls a paper noise-maker from his pocket. Fraiser turns, takes a skip towards the TV as if to kick it but only pushes the on-off switch with his stocking foot. The screen goes dark but we hear a few more seconds of kazoo music.)
FRAISER
I hate personality news.
JANET
I like it. It's fresh. You're just not comfortable with personalities.
FRAISER
What do you mean? I work for a Nazi; my best friend borrows everything
in sight; I'm surrounded byDWARFs, chain saw freaks and a schizoid Ma
and Pa Kettle. They have personality.
JANET
And Attila the Hun liked to party. We're talking about open, healthy personality, a way of believing that life has meaning.
FRAISER
(Snaps at Janet.)
Meaning!
(Shouting louder.)
Meaning, sure life has a meaning—when you're dead, you're dead. That's what it means!
(Stunned by Fraiser's anger, Janet collapses on a nearby sofa. Her breath is loud and rapid, but she doesn't cry.)
(Fraiser looks hurt too. He walks to the aquarium and stares into it. His face appears blue. Then with a watery dissolve we flash back to the bombed-out office building. Fraiser, in combat gear, is crouched behind the xerox machine. Again he rolls a grenade across the floor. Two or three times we see a grenade leave his hand. From off camera a Budweiser can rolls toward Fraiser's outstretched hand. Similarly we see the rolling beer can two times, but with the third repetition it has become an incendiary grenade hissing like a sparkler. With an incredible flash we cut back to:
Fraiser is standing upright turning his hands to and fro in the fish tank. Tears are running down his face. Janet rises from the couch, goes to Fraiser and comforts him. He removes his hands from the fish tank and, drying them on his shirt tails, is led by Janet to the couch. He flexes his hands. Janet continues to comfort him and he comes around.)
FRAISER
You're too nice to me. That means something too. Do you like to fish?
JANET
Fish, sure. Ah . . . are you alright, Fraiser? Do you feel OK?
FRAISER
(Smiling broadly)
I'm OK. Stay with me for a minute. We were talking about how I seem to have it together, right? That's because I have a trained memory. It's smarter than a trained dog. You bet! I don't remember say Fred, or Dave, or Jimmy without also remembering something normal. Like once on leave, there was a warm rain all afternoon when we had nowhere to go. We took a taxi here; we took a taxi there; got drunk. But aimlessly as if we were just tourists on some wet, green, cheap tour waiting for a bus. Or I remember when we were on a forward interdiction . . . that means you wander around and look for shit . . . and we came to this village. Everyone was starving. That wasn't unusual. All their dams had been bombed out and rebuilt three times. That wasn't unusual either. But nearly everyone who could still stand up was standing by this muddy pond fishing for carp. You don't want to know what they were using for bait. So I tossed a grenade into the pond. It sank. There was a concussion. Then the fish began floating to the surface. Lots of fish. I remember those fish when I think about Fred, Dave and Jimmy, those wonderful life-saving carp floating to the surface of the pond. They looked like golden footballs.
(Fraiser pauses. Janet is misty-eyed, enthralled.)
FRAISER
You know, Janet, if those footballs could talk, you'd have talking footballs.
JANET
(Shrieking and laughing.)
That's horrible.
(She hits Fraiser with a sofa pillow. He retreats.)
That's twisted. A horrible twist. I don't know where you got your sense of humor.
(ThenJANET gets the point. She smiles at Fraiser who has moved to the aquarium.)
Now I know where you got your sense of humor. Over there.
(Fraiser regards Janet with surprise and pleasure.)
FRAISER
Well, I ain't Bob Hope.
JANET
It helps, doesn't it . . . this humor?
FRAISER
Yes, it helps. You help a lot too. And this . . .
(He pulls a flapping mechanical fish from the tank. Returns it. Points to the aquarium and leers.)
And this . . . this is just a little bit of heaven.
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—MORNING
Lee approaches his trailer carrying his chain saw. He moves stealthily looking from side to side.
LEE
Repo my trailer? No way man! No big city finance company is going to take away my mobile home.
Lee advances to his trailer. The low camera angle suggests a gun fighter approaching his opponent. Lee's motion is choreographed to resemble the fight scene in "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly."
(SO): The music from "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly." The sound of a chain saw starting.
CUT TO
The driver who earlier delivered the trailer is driving his semi-tractor through the park drinking beer. The windshield of the tractor is broken. On the seat next to him is a newspaper.
CUT TO
Lee beginning to saw into the side of his trailer.
CUT TO
The driver of the tractor, sitting in the truck, drinking beer.
CUT TO
Lee, who has chain-sawed a large gash in the side of his trailer.
CUT TO
The driver of the tractor completes hooking Lee's trailer to his tractor. He wipes his hands on his pants and climbs into the cab. The truck pulls away. It pulls only the front half of the trailer. Unconcerned, the driver keeps going.
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—DAY
Gripper, driving a pickup truck, arrives at Borrower's. In the back of the truck is a coffin with dirt on it. She is wearking a work shirt and jeans. Her hair is messed and her cheeks smudged.
GRIPPER
Howdy, Darling. I thought you might like some lunch. I'm buying.
BORROWER
What in the hell's that?
GRIPPER
What do you think it is? It's a coffin.
BORROWER
You didn't. You wouldn't. No, you couldn't.
GRIPPER
One can't play favorites in my line of work. He thought when he died he wouldn't have to pay his bills. Imagine!
Borrower moves toward the truck and delicately lifts the coffin lid, looking aside then finally, after grimacing, at the coffin.
BORROWER
Where's the body?
GRIPPER
Back at the funeral parlor. I don't have time for freeloaders.
BORROWER
You must have a strong stomach.
GRIPPER
A contract is a contract.
EXTERIOR—TRAILER PARK—DUSK
Fraiser and Borrower are smoking and talking. Borrower is sitting on the hood of an old car. The effect is peaceful.
BORROWER
You know life doesn't get much better than this.
FRAISER
Are you kidding? This here?
Borrower laughs, tosses Fraiser a lighter and pulls a can of beer from his pocket.
BORROWER
It's just such a nice evening, and they're getting shorter.
FRAISER
(With mock seriousness.)
Says who?
At this moment there is the sound of breaking glass and the scene goes dark. A second or two later we see two cigarettes being lit, and first Borrower's face, then Fraiser's face, each surrounded by a halo. The yard lights come on.
BORROWER
(Philosophically.)
We've known each other a long time . . . the politics, the parties, bumming around. Right?
(Fraiser nods and engages Borrower in some affectionate piece of business.)
BORROWER
And I've never asked you for anything.
FRAISER
Not true, you once borrowed five books.
(From off camera there is the sound of a high scoring run on a pinball machine. Fraiser and Borrower nod appreciatively.)
BORROWER
Books? What kind of books?
FRAISER
Philosophy and two Playboy calendars, used.
BORROWER
And I didn't bring them back?
FRAISER
What are you getting at? This is the longest conversation we've had in seven or eight years.
BORROWER
(Defiantly.)
Not true! Two years ago when we were doing the timing chain on your last piece of junk we talked for nearly an hour.
FRAISER
(Skeptically.)
Was it about cam gears?
BORROWER
See?
FRAISER
I still don't see what you're getting at?
BORROWER
(After hesitating.)
The girl . . . she's a nice girl and I think you should treat her that way.
FRAISER
(A bit shocked but tolerant.)
And, humane pal of mine, why do you think I'd treat her un-nicely?
BORROWER
(Shrugs.)
The past.
FRAISER
(Nods.)
Well, for your information, I've just come from trying to be nice as you put it.
(Dejectedly.)
I proposed.
(Borrower leaps up, spilling beer cans from his coat pockets.)
BORROWER
Congratulations!
FRAISER
She turned me down.
BORROWER
Oh, she's just being fickle . . . secretly she's thrilled. There's plenty of time.
FRAISER
She's pregnant.
(Borrower sits back down, momentarily at a loss. We hear a few seconds of pinball noise.)
BORROWER
It will work out. Like the song says, it's all in the game of love.
(From off camera we hear violins and a sappy rendition of "All in the Game." Both Fraiser and Borrower look around for the source of the music, staggering in circles until it stops.)
FRAISER
So, if love's the game, smart guy, what are the rest of the rules?
BORROWER
(Seriously stupid, like the Oz Scarecrow.)
Ah, rules. A tie goes to the dealer; a card laid is a card played; if you break the plane of the goal line it's a touchdown, even if you fumble; let faster players play through; three strikes and you're out, unless the catcher drops the last one; replace all divots . . . wanna hear some more?
FRAISER
(Over pinball noise.)
Hell no, the only rule I know about love is
(More pinball noise.)
. . . if you wanna play
(Noise stops and with a triumphant note in his voice.)
. . . you've gotta play!
CUT TO
Trailer park skyline of flat roofs and TV antennas as the moon rises in a huge way. Then the moon appears to settle on the roof-line and we hear pinball noise. The moon bounces straight up and settles with more pinball dinging and clanging.
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—TRAILER PARK—DAY
A delivery boy is bringing groceries to Ma and Billy Pa's trailer. They are all on the trailer porch. He sets the grocery bags on the porch.
DELIVERY BOY
Let's see . . . that's 2 loaves of bread, 1 can of tuna fish, 1 quart of
milk, some onions, 6 TV dinners, and 40 boxes of aluminum foil. I
brought you foil last week and the week before that. That's a lot of
aluminum foil. Do you have an hibachi?
BILLY PA
Hibachi, we don't believe in the Hibachis. We just use a lot of that foil, it's handy stuff.
DELIVERY BOY
(Confused and eager to leave.)
I guess so . . . ah . . . have a nice day.
CUT TO
Delivery boy gets in his Volkswagon and drives away slowly. He looks back over his shoulder at Ma and Billy Pa going into the trailer with their groceries and aluminum foil.
CUT TO
A portion of the wall of Ma and Billy Pa's trailer slides upward. A telescope emerges, then scans from side to side.
CUT TO
Closeup of Ma and Billy Pa bent over the eyepiece of a telescope.
BILLY PA
Do you see them yet?
MA
Not yet, here, you take a whack at it, Pa.
CUT TO
Shot of telescope in a room full of electronic equipment. Ma and Billy Pa are wrapped up mummy fashion in aluminum foil.
FADE. CUT TO
Borrower and Dwarf are chain sawing wood. It is a supernaturally large stack of wood. Borrower is sweating and straining but Dwarf handles even the largest pieces of wood as if they were made out of styrofoam. Borrower and Dwarf take turns running the chain saw or stacking the wood. They work at a feverish pace for perhaps 20 or 30 seconds.
DWARF
(Turning off the chain saw, to Borrower.)
It's that special time of day. How about a break for a beer?
(From off camera two cans of beer fly through the air. Dwarf catches one and opens it as does Borrower the other can of beer.)
BORROWER
(With great relish.)
Ah . . . it's the water.
DWARF
No, I think it's the beer.
(Borrower and Dwarf finish their beer. Borrower crunches his can with some difficulty but thoroughly. Dwarf crushes his can into a pile of dust that falls from his fingers.DWARF then picks up a large piece of wood, smells it, and says to Borrower, beaming:)
DWARF
Ah . . . weekends are made for cutting wood.
(Borrower and Dwarf cut wood for perhaps another 10-15 seconds. Dwarf picks up a large log, flips it over his shoulder in the direction of the pile. It sails up in the air and, after a few seconds, we hear the sound of breaking glass and dogs barking.)
DWARF
Well, what do you think, time for another beer break? This chopping wood works up a powerful thirst.
BORROWER
Sure, what the heck.
(Borrower and Dwarf turn to face off camera and this time they each catch two cans of beer, open them and drink them down fast as they can.)
BORROWER
(After a satisfied belch.)
It's sure nice of you to supply the beer for this wood. I never knew you to be such a beer drinker . . . I mean for a little guy.
DWARF
(Slightly offended.)
Size has nothing to do with it. It's a quesetion of having the proper attitude.
BORROWER
What do you mean attitude?
DWARF
Well, everybody I know, except for you, works . . . and there's a time to work and there's a time to relax.
BORROWER
(Nods, shrugs.)
Yeah, you're right. Well, still time to work. Let's get back to work. And by the way I'm not working except to pay off my back rent to the landlady. I wouldn't want the word to get out that I was actually working. You might say that here at the trailer park I've been living on borrowed time.
DWARF
Well, I'm not crazy about working for that Nazi landlady either. I'm just working to pay off my bar bill.
BORROWER
Yeah, what's the old bag paying you?
DWARF
Well, she's not paying me in money that is, she's paying me all the beer I can drink.
BORROWER
How can you pay off your bar bill if you are being paid with beer?
DWARF
(Shrugs.)
Oh, they can wait.
(Throughout this exchange Borrower and Dwarf have been stacking some of the already chain-sawed wood.)
DWARF
(Turning to Borrower.)
Well, do you think that's enough work for a few minutes?
BORROWER
Well, what do you know, I guess so. Do you think it's time after work to relax?
(Then Borrower and Dwarf look skyward as an immense Orson Welles type voice announces: "When it's time to relax.")
(Immediately following the voice there is a shower of cans of beer, perhaps a case or two of beer cans, which land all around Dwarf and Borrower.)
CUT TO
Dwarf and Borrower sitting in a knee-deep pile of beer cans. The wood pile has been reduced by about half. That is there is maybe two cords of chopped and split wood and an equal amount of wood waiting to be cut.
BORROWER
(By now obviously drunk.)
Well, we better get back to work. I've got to work off some more of that borrowed time.
DWARF
Well, OK. Are you sure you feel alright?
BORROWER
Sure . . .
(Borrower woosily picks up the chain saw.)
DWARF
(Stops him.)
I think I better run that. Why don't you stack the wood.
BORROWER
Sure, I could use a good workout. I have to sober up tonight before my dinner date.
DWARF
That sure is a cute lady that I see you hanging around with.
BORROWER
That's no lady. That's my repossesser.
DWARF
Ah ha, mixing business with pleasure.
BORROWER
No, I don't believe in business, strictly pleasure. The only business that brings Gripper here is the cemetery.
DWARF
Cemetery? What can she do with a cemetery?
BORROWER
The same thing that she does with everything else, repossess it.
DWARF
I don't get it. Why would anyone want to repossess a cemetery? It's full of dead people. What have they done wrong?
BORROWER
They must be late.
DWARF
Oh, that's crazy.
(Pausing, Dwarf picks up a can of beer, takes a pen out of his pocket and autographs the can. He hands the autographed can of beer to Borrower.)
Here, this one's for you.
CUT TO
Borrower and Dwarf standing in front of finished wood pile. There is an equally large stack of beer cans.
BORROWER
(Mumbling and quite drunk.)
Well, when you're out of wood, you're out of beer.
(Borrower falls over in a coma.)
DWARF
(To himself as he picks up the tools.)
Well, it beats working with large birds.
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—CEMETERY—NIGHT
Ever radiant, the Gripper directs the repossession of an entire cemetery, There is no dialogue although we hear tractors, chains rattling, and weird howlings. This scene features goulish laborers—say, a casket being carried by a bored looking Dracula and an equally bored "normal" looking worker. The movement in this scene can be dreamlike but the effect should be of monumental effort. This scene is where Trailer spends its money.
EXTERIOR—DAY—FRAISER'S TRAILER
Fraiser is sitting on his front steps, tinkering with a mechanical fish. A grotesque chromed limosine pulls up. Three furtive guys wearing trench coats pile out of the car and snoop around. Next out is Janet's father, the obnoxious epitome of gaudy wealth.
JANET'S FATHER
(To trench coats.)
Beat it, fellas! The dropout here and I have got to talk. I'm Janet's father.
FRAISER
Charmed.
JANET'S FATHER
Surely, just don't start calling me "Dad."
FRAISER
Little danger of that.
JANET'S FATHER
You two had a little spat? Good! But I'm a man who leaves nothing to chance. How much do you want?
FRAISER
Want? For what?
He puts down the fish. It flaps and buzzes. The fish looks like Beethoven.
JANET'S FATHER
(Distracted, he points to the fish.)
What the hell's that creature?
FRAISER
Beethoven's fish, dum dum dum daa.
JANET'S FATHER
You really are wasting what's left of your brain but you'll understand
this. I'm offering you whatever it takes to make you split, vamoose,
take a hike, exit, flee. Get the point . . . for say . . . ten grand?
FRAISER
You can take a hike.
(Janet's father tries to bid up the price. He offers Fraiser the moon. The two characters haggling and circling each other using business of the actor's invention.)
JANET'S FATHER
This is my last offer . . . fifty thousand dollars . . . in cash.
FRAISER
(Pleading, wanting to be understood.)
But I love your daughter.
JANET'S FATHER
(Screaming.)
I know you love her, that's why I offered cash. Do you think I'd offer some cheap opportunist cash? We're talking cash! Cash! Cash!
Janet's father, now somewhat hysterical, is led by his aides to the limo yelling "Cash" as the car pulls away.
CUT TO
INTERIOR—DAY—FRAISER'S TRAILER
Janet and Gripper are sitting on a couch. An overturned crate functions as a coffee table. Janet has been crying. Gripper looks pensive. Between intermittent sobs from Janet, we hear the gurgling of aquarium pumps and the whir of mechanical fish. Janet stops crying and stares at the aquarium. She laughs, somewhat sarcastically, rolls up a cocktail napkin and tosses it into the fish tank. Gripper tears up a Vogue magazine, takes up the game and both women lurch around the trailer feinting and scoring "baskets" until the tanks are covered by floating, soggy lumps of paper.
JANET
(Breathing hard, but smiling.)
Whew, it helps to blow off steam with someone. Thanks.
GRIPPER
(Nodding.)
Someone who's crazy, you mean.
JANET
I'm the one who's crazy, I turned him down. First I begged him to straighten up his act, get myself pregnant . . .
GRIPPER
You had some help there.
JANET
(With a Grouch Marx flair.)
Less help than you might think, Dearie!
(They laugh.)
JANET
And he finally proposes and I turned cold fish. That's funny.
GRIPPER
I'm afraid I can't say anything more original than you must follow your heart.
JANET
Yes, well, your heart wouldn't take you all the dumb places mine wants to go.
GRIPPER
Not true.
(Pausing.)
Once, well let's just say I was scandalously young, he was rich in a fairy tale princedom by the sea. I couldn't decide . . . couldn't decide anything except what to wear. And one morning I woke up to the sure feeling that I was pregnant and his note saying the hotel bill had been paid. I had a little girl.
JANET
Really and does she stay with your folks?
GRIPPER
In a manner of speaking. The angels, they claim, took her away.
JANET
Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I get so selfish when I think about my problems.
GRIPPER
Nonsense, and you don't have any problems. You want the baby . . . have the baby.
JANET
But he needs a father.
GRIPPER
He has a father. He will continue to have a father. Fraiser loves you
and you two can work things out in your own way. It's like this, Janet,
maybe you can't live without him but you don't have to live with him.
JANET
(After a moment.)
I like that. I like that idea a lot. Damn it, that's a pretty good plan. Let's drink to that. I can't live without him, but I won't live with him.
(Janet goes to a cupboard and takes out a red and white coffee tin of "Coffee Macho.")
You want some of this instant coffee for snobs?
GRIPPER
No, that's what depressed broads are supposed to drink. Got any booze?
JANET
(Looking through the cupboards.)
Like Scotch maybe?
GRIPPER
How about bourbon, with a little water.
JANET
(Finding a bottle, standing up and beaming.)
Bourbon, right on!
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—TRAILER PARK—DAY
Borrower walks over to Ma and Billy Pa's trailer to borrow something. He knocks on the door. They answer.
BORROWER
Hello,Ma and Billy Pa.
MA & BILLY PA
(In unison.)
Hello, Mr. Spaceman.
BORROWER
Do you have some aluminum foil I could borrow?
(Ma Pa looks at Billy Pa with a look of child-like wonderment. Billy returns the same expression. Borrower acts as if everything is normal.)
MA & BILLY PA
I think we might have some extra. Be back in a minute.
(They go, child-like, into the kitchen. Ma Pa opens up a cabinet that has enough aluminum foil to put a roof on a small town.)
CUT TO
We see Fraiser, carrying a tool box and trudging toward an old car.
CUT TO
Close up of Fraiser's face from inside the engine compartment as he leans over the car. He is serious and perplexed. He is trying to get a wrench on some bolt but it isn't working. Janet's face appears next to Frasier.
JANET
Try an offset wrench.
FRAISER
(Surprised, but not pleased.)
When I need your advice, I'll ask for it. Offset wrench, huh?
JANET
(Nodding.)
And back out the top screw. Slide in the shim to steady the thing and drop it from the bottom.
(Fraiser complies.)
FRAISER
Seems to be there. Almost. Good! Say, you do know something about cars. Where did you learn that trick?
JANET
That's just one of the mysteries you'll have to figure out.
FRAISER
You mean you've changed yoru mind, you'll say "yes"?
(Fraiser straightens up and smashes his head on the hood of the car. He doubles over and Janet comforts him.)
JANET
I'm saying yes to the baby; yes to you; but "no" to marriage.
FRAISER
(Recovering, going back to work on the car.)
Fine. Saves on the tuxedo rental. We'll be living in sin?
JANET
As neighbors. We'll be neighbors.
(Fraiser and Janet kiss. When they separate their faces are grease smudged. Fraiser resumes working on the car. Janet points and passes Fraiser tools, including some outlandish ones—a pipe wrench, a toy trumpet, a calvery sword. The rest of this scene mimics "The pretty girl who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty" bit. We hear twinkly, Disney-type music as the work proceeds at a speeded up pace. Finally Fraiser throws down the last tool, beams with satisfaction and shakes Janet's hand. As they stroll together toward Fraiser's trailer we see half a ton of auto parts strewn about.)
CUT TO
INTERIOR—NIGHT—FRAISER'S TRAILER
Fraiser and Janet are huddled in bed. Fraiser begins to toss and turn.
CUT TO
A repeat of Fraiser's war dream. He is sneaking around the xerox machine as before. He rolls a grenade across the floor. This time a small baby carriage comes gliding back. Fraiser backs slowly away from the carriage and crouches, half hidden by the copying machine. Fraiser startles at a click and a flash, but it is only the machine, running normally. Fraiser pulls the paper from the machine and we see it is a baby picture. The machine continues to run, spitting out baby pictures, as Fraiser, holding a fist full of paper, trudges away.
INTERIOR—DWARF'S TRAILER—DAY
Dwarf is talking on the telephone. He is very upset. He listens for about twenty seconds, getting angrier with each second.
DWARF
(Yelling on the telephone.)
God-damn it! Don't call me up about it. Feed the fucking dog! You know how to use a can opener, don't you?
( He hangs up and walks over to the refrigerator and starts banging his head on the door.)
Anybody can feed a dog.
(Repeating.)
Anybody can feed a dog. This is getting close to the last straw.
(He stops banging his head on the refrigerator.)
(Sighing.)
I think I'll make myself a martini. A martini will help.
(Just then the telephone starts ringing again and Dwarf goes back to banging his head on the refrigerator door.)
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—NIGHT—MA & BILLY PA'S TRAILER
Borrower enters Ma and Billy Pa's trailer. He is dressed "normally" and carrying a stainless steel bowl.
MA & BILLY PA
(In unison, happy as children.)
Come in, Mr. Spaceman.
BORROWER
Yeah, spaceman. I guess we're all spacemen, right? You folks seem a little spacey to me too.
BILLY PA
Oh, thank you! Can I take your hat?
(Billy Pa takes the bowl from Borrower's hand and hangs it on a coat rack.)
BORROWER
(After a double take.)
Ice, that's an ice . . . I mean I came over to borrow some ice. We're having a drink next door. We're going to party later. Why don't you folks join us?
MA
Thank you, but we can't. Pa and I are going to be sharp as tacks
tomorrow. That bulldozer riding witch won't take us without a flght.
(Billy Pa concurs and pulls a rickety looking bow and arrow set from behind the couch.)
BILLY PA
A fight!
BORROWER
I had no idea you two were so excitable. What's the fight about?
MA & BILLY PA
The telescope. She says no telescope.
BORROWER
You have a telescope?
(They nod, then lead Borrower into a backroom. There is the eye-piece of a huge telescope and some crude boxes covered with tin foil and homemade dials. Shrouds of tin foil hang from the walls.)
BORROWER
Why do you have this telescope?
MA
Do you sometimes get the feeling you won't live forever?
(Borrower stares at Ma, then Billy Pa with new fascination. He smiles a bit and walks back into the living room of the trailer. He inspects all of the American kitsch hung on their walls.)
(As Ma and Billy Pa return to the living room Gripper enters. She is dressed in a tight space suit, some left-over Flash Gordon number.)
MA
What a dazzling outfit.
(Billy Pa looks from Gripper to Borrower with growing awe.)
BILLY PA
It's really them! They're here!
GRIPPER
Of course it's us, Darling, but we can't stay. We're on our way to a party.
MA & BILLY PA
(In unison. Practically cheering.)
A party!
(Then Billy Pa motions to Borrower and GRIPPER and tiptoes into the kitchen returning with a microwave oven. Billy Pa gives a knowing wink to the others, then, with a magician's flourish, tips the microwave from side to side. On its glass door we see fragments of old TV programs: "Sky King," Japanese sci-fi, "Leave It to Beaver." Then Billy Pa sets down the microwave, points skyward with one finger, and smiles knowingly.
GRIPPER
Gee, that's neat folks, but we should be going.
(Gripper walks to the coat rack, checks out the stainless steel bowl, and there are some short cuts between her and Borrower.)
MA & BILLY PA
Please, just a minute.
(They exit toward the telescope room.)
BORROWER
(To GRIPPER.)
I like these folks, and you know, the landlady is trying to get rid of them.
GRIPPER
What for?
BORROWER
Who cares what for? Something about a telescope, but the point is Ma and Billy Pa belong here.
GRIPPER
Who doesn't?
BORROWER
They're what America is all about!
(Enter Ma and Billy Pa, wrapped mummy fashion in tin foil.)
MA & BILLY PA
We're ready.
(Borrower goes to stand between Ma and Billy Pa. He puts an arm around each, accompanied by much crinkling of tin foil. Gripper moves closer to them and smiles.)
GRIPPER
You're all very brave.
BORROWER
(Proud.)
We attack at dawn
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—TRAILER PARK—DAY
A sympathetic mob has assembled, incuding Dwarf, Ma and Billy Pa, Lee and all the main characters. They are rallying together against Ma and Billy Pa's potential eviction from the trailer park. Dwarf is wearing a football helmet and carrying an American flag. Lee has his chain saw. Fraiser is their leader. Ma and Billy Pa are wrapped in aluminum foil.
A VOICE FROM THE MOB
What are we going to do?
FRAISER
(Shouts.)
We are going to do it. That's what we are going to do!
MOB ECHOES
We're going to do it.
(Led by Fraiser, they start marching on the Nazi trailer park's owner's trailer. They are an odd looking bunch of protesters. Gripper is marching right beside Borrower. He is wearing a State Trooper's hat.
BORROWER
(To GRIPPER.)
This is a little out of your way, isn't it? Aren't you one of the Black Shirts?
GRIPPER
(Smiling.)
Not really. The telescope is paid for, isn't it?
BORROWER
(Smiling in return . . . takes off his hat and puts it on Gripper's head.)
CUT TO
INTERIOR—NAZI LANDLADY'S TRAILER
She is wearing a Nazi uniform. The interior of the trailer is an extension of the Third Reich—flags, momentos, and etc. She is looking out the window of the trailer at the approaching mob. The Nazi's husband is standing beside her. He is not wearing a uniform. He just looks like a heavy equipment operator.
NAZI LANDLADY
What the hell???
HEAVY EQUIPMENT OPERATOR
(Now looking out of the window.)
Looks like a mob.
NAZI LANDLADY
It is a mob!
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—TRAILER PARK
The mob marches to the Nazi Landlady's trailer. She steps outside onto a little porch.
NAZI LANDLADY
Have you lost your minds?
MOB
Heil Hitler!
(Then Ma and Billy Pa give her the finger. And also another shot of the beautiful Gripper giving the Nazi Landlady the finger.)
FRAISER
I want to talk to you about Ma and Billy Pa.
NAZI LANDLADY
There's nothing to talk about. Those aluminum foil freaks are going.
That there telescope they have is in violation of the park's lease
agreement, and that's all there is to it. You can't have a telescope in
this trailer park, and there's nothing to talk about; so go back to your
trailers.
FRAISER
We beg to differ.
NAZI LANDLADY
(Reaching into a uniform pocket and taking out a lease.)
No exceptions . . . see right here, Section 7: No pets, no telescopes. It's in black and white. So scram. Go back to your trailers and try to figure out how to pay your back rent. That will keep you busy for a while.
FRAISER
Now that you've got that out of your system, let's get down to the serious business of the telescope.
NAZI LANDLADY
Are you deaf, Fraiser? Do you want to continue working here? Do you want to continue here at all?
FRAISER
(Undaunted.)
Have you ever heard of the American Civil Liberties Union?
NAZI LANDLADY
(Disgusted.)
Oh, NO!!!
CUT TO
Borrower stands at the edge of the mob. Borrower has an idea. It is written all over his face. He's coming up with something.
BORROWER
(Softly, but audible in the mob.)
No pets, no telescopes, no exceptions.
GRIPPER
(Standing beside him.)
What?
BORROWER
Not what . . . but what.
GRIPPER
I don't get it.
BORROWER
Don't worry. I will get it.
(Borrower heads for his trailer. Gripper watches him leave, shrugs her shoulders and goes back to being a part of the mob.)
GRIPPER
(Yells at the landlady.)
Power to the people!
DWARF
(Nearby.)
Power to what?
CUT TO
INTERIOR—BORROWER'S TRAILER
Borrower is sorting through a pile of telescopes. He rejects three or four of them before arriving at one of them that seems to suit his purpose.
BORROWER
(To himself.)
This should do it.
(Borrower leaves his trailer with a telescope.)
CUT TO
EXTERIOR—NAZI LANDLADY'S TRAILER
Borrower is slipping around behind the trailer. He has the telescope with him. There is a voice-over of mob noises. They are chanting . . . Heil Hitler! Borrower opens up a bedroom window and drops the telescope to a bed. He closes the window.
CUT TO
Borrower is rejoining the mob that has just finished chanting Heil Hitler. He slips in beside Gripper.
GRIPPER
(Turning to look at him.)
Did you get what you want?
BORROWER
I wanted it, mama.
CUT TO
Nazi Landlady is now very, very upset. She is almost foaming at the mouth.
NAZI LANDLADY
(Shouting.)
I'll call the police.
FRAISER
You are the police.
(Borrower makes his way up to the front of the crowd and stands beside Fraiser. It is obvious that he wants to say something. He has captured the attention of both Fraiser and the Nazi Landlady.)
FRAISER
(To Borrower.)
What is it? Do you want to say something?
NAZI LANDLADY
(To Fraiser.)
What does he want?
(To Borrower.)
What do you want?
BORROWER
No pets, no telescopes, no exceptions?
NAZI LANDLADY
Yes! Section 7. OK, so what"
BORROWER
No exceptions?
NAZI LANDLADY
No exceptions, that's what it says. Yep, what's the point.
BORROWER
The point is . . . what about the telescope on your bed?
(The Nazi Landlady's Heavy Equipment Operator husband steps outside the trailer, where he has been listening to everything, and joins his wife.)
HEAVY EQUIPMENT OPERATOR
What's that about a telescope?
NAZI LANDLADY
(Turning to him.)
Thanks, Honey!
(Then to Borrower.)
What's that about a telescope?
BORROWER
On your bed.
NAZI LANDLADY
You've really flipped out.
BORROWER
Section 7 . . . no pets, no telescopes, no exceptions. You're going to
have to evict yourself because you are in violation of the lease and
there are no exceptions so you're going to have to go. If you don't
evict yourself, you'll never be able to wear the Nazi uniform again with
pride.
NAZI LANDLADY
(Rattled.)
I don't have a telescope!
BORROWER
Yes, you do!
NAZI LANDLADY
No, I don't! I've never had a telescope. I hate telescopes.
BORROWER
So, go in and look for yourself on the bed.
(Nazi Landlady and Heavy Equipment Operator go inside the trailer. The mob waits quietly outside. Lee strokes the chain saw blade as if it were a cat.)
NAZI LANDLADY
(Screaming.)
A telescope!
SLOW MOB FADE. CUT TO
EXTERIOR—NIGHT
One by one, telescopes emerge from the rooftops of trailers.
SO: "When You Wish Upon A Star"
CUT TO
INTERIORS of trailers. The dwarves are dancing. Frasier and Janet cuddle up. Lee and Borrower look out their windows, astonished to see . . .
LS: The UFOs descend. They are vintage trailers: Airstreams, popup campers, food carts, etc.
MS: Ma and Pa on their porch, are wrapped in tinfoil, celebrating.
CU: Nazi Landlady with an awestruck look.
NAZI LANDLADY
I guess there are some things we are not meant to understand.
CU: Borrower is grinning like an idiot. He gives a "thumbs up."
CU: Lee has a peaceful look. He flashes a peace sign.
CU: Frasier and Janet, kissing.
LS: More trailers seem to fill the entire skys.
LS: The trailer park, now stretching from horizon to horizon.